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Last question received: 17 Aug 2017

Questions answered to date: 1989

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Showing Questions in 'Marriage Law/Philosophy'

Question No.	2115
Category	Marriage Law/Philosophy
Date Posted	31 Aug 2014
The Question	My daughter died several months ago. I am trying to give my other children the extra treats and gifts they used to receive from her (e.g., food, clothing). Their father, who has Asperger's Syndrome, just does not think of these things, and is always saying 'No' to them. What should I do? Please give me an objective, not lenient, reply. —Anonymous, Israel
The Answer	Click here to listen to Rabbi Leff's answer.

Question No.	2110
Category	Marriage Law/Philosophy
Date Posted	20 Aug 2014
The Question	I am told that a leading Israeli Rosh Yeshiva tells his bochurim to ask for NIS 700,000 from the parents of a potential kallah. Does the Rav agree with this policy? If a person does not even have 1% of this sum, with no family support options, is it "mutar" to place total reliance on HaShem to bring your daughter a shidduch at the right time as there seems to be no "derech hateva" options for "histadlus" in this situation? —Anonymous, Bet Shemesh, Israel
The Answer	Click here to listen to Rabbi Leff's answer.

Question No.	2107
Category	Marriage Law/Philosophy
Date Posted	17 Aug 2014
The Question	How do I come to terms with the fact that even though my husband is a frum man, he still has a yetzer hara to look at other women? It bothers me terribly, even though I know he employs superhuman strength to try not be oiver? —Anonymous, Israel
The Answer	Click here to listen to Rabbi Leff's answer.

Question No.	2096
Category	Marriage Law/Philosophy
Date Posted	11 Jan 2014
The Question	Hello. I was sexually abused as a child and then raped again as a teenager. I have been in intensive therapy and my therapist discharged me and said I was healthy. I am now engaged. Am I obligated to tell my fiance that I was raped? Thank you for your time. —Anonymous, New Jersey
The Answer	Click here to listen to Rabbi Leff's answer.

Question No.	2048
Category	Marriage Law/Philosophy
Date Posted	23 Jul 2013
The Question	Is it an actual halachic obligation to have many children? May a baal teshuva couple decide in advance how many children they want to have based on an honest cheshbon? (financial, emotional, mental health.) —Anonymous, Jerusalem
The Answer	Click here to listen to Rabbi Leff's answer.

Question No.	2040
Category	Marriage Law/Philosophy
Date Posted	3 Apr 2013
The Question	Before marriage, my husband and I both had chassan/kallah classes. We had the chance to discuss the concept of nudity when married. We have been taught that as long as both are agreeing, the room is completely private, and the wife is not in niddah it is permissable by Torah law to see one another naked (and that it can enhance intimacy). With that said, I have heard people say that it is A) required (not suggested or as an opinion) that the lights be off when having relations and that B) a man cannot see his wife's genital area at all. I would like to know if this is in fact actual halacha or differing of opinions. Especially if it enhances intimacy for the husband/wife and makes one another feel more strongly connected during the act. —Anonymous, New York
The Answer	Click here to listen to Rabbi Leff's answer.

Question No.	2016
Category	Marriage Law/Philosophy
Date Posted	15 Jan 2013
The Question	Dear rabbi, I've heard that in the Gemara or somewhere it says that in order to create a male child the wife should orgasm first when having relations. Does this really work and what is the technical way to go about this for it to really work (besides for praying for a son during the first 40 days of pregnancy)? Are there other things you suggest doing as well? (Btw I'm not trying to discriminate with girls, just wondering) —Anonymous, New york
The Answer	Click here to listen to Rabbi Leff's answer.

Question No.	2005
Category	Marriage Law/Philosophy
Date Posted	6 Dec 2012
The Question	This is a very brief history- i have always been very attracted to men. but A few years ago, I was in a normal bais yaakov seminary. I dont know how it happened but me and another girl developed something more then a friendship. I wasn't attracted to her body but there was a chemistry- infatuation. we began doing things is bad. nothing under clothing but not good. with some help - we suddenly snapped back to reality. the infatuation was gone- and i broke down. i have cried my heart out. begged God for forgiveness, did teshuvah in everyway i knew how. i never experienced this again or desired it. i want to throw up when i think about it. 1) can i look at this as a phase? 2) can God forgive me? —Anonymous, Northern hemisphere
The Answer	Click here to listen to Rabbi Leff's answer.

Question No.	2003
Category	Marriage Law/Philosophy
Date Posted	6 Dec 2012
The Question	I am married for several year, with a few kids ka"h. I call my mother daily. Whenever I go out at night for pleasure with my siblings or overnight (local) she expects me to tell her where I'm going.(she's not interested in joinning) Am I as a married woman obligated to tell her where I go or what I do? —Anonymous, Brooklyn,
The Answer	Click here to listen to Rabbi Leff's answer.

Question No.	1992
Category	Marriage Law/Philosophy
Date Posted	26 Nov 2012
The Question	I have been married a little over a year and just had a baby. Whenever I happen to look at my husband's phone or computer I see he is corresponding with men and women for the purpose of trading/buying/selling nude pictures. When I confront him he tells me he likes the "hock" but would never cheat on me. He says it's because he is bored. Otherwise he watches movies all night. Meanwhile he is in kollel fulltime. I feel that being supportive of his learning and growth has gotten me nowhere and that he is so so much less frum than me. I am worried for my baby. How do I handle this? —Anonymous, New Jersey
The Answer	Click here to listen to Rabbi Leff's answer.

Question No.	1972
Category	Marriage Law/Philosophy
Date Posted	23 Mar 2012
The Question	Hello Rabbi Leff, I have been dating someone seriously who I find myself to be very compatible with and who is solid hashkafically. However, there are some family dynamics I am concerned about - a troubled sibling off the derech and the tension that it understandably creates within the family system. Is this a no brainer deal breaker or is it something that should not influence me if the shidduch seems overall positive? Thank you. —Anonymous, USA
The Answer	Click here to listen to Rabbi Leff's answer.

Question No.	1929
Category	Marriage Law/Philosophy
Date Posted	24 Oct 2011
The Question	My wife and I are in our late forties. We thank G-d have multiple children. She has been told she should not get pregnant by multiple doctors for physical reasons and she cannot take the pill (physical health reasons). she cannot undergo a tubal ligation. I would be willing to undergo a reversible vasectomy. What is the latest thinking on this and other male birth control methdods. —Anonymous, New York
The Answer	Click here to listen to Rabbi Leff's answer.

Question No.	1928
Category	Marriage Law/Philosophy
Date Posted	24 Oct 2011
The Question	hi i accidentally came acroos this website, and i have a very difficult question... im in love with a guy 20 years older than me, we have a very strong relationship, and im getting married in less than a week, i really like my fiance but for some reason i love this other guy alot more...and i feel confused and lost...my fiance doesnt mind that i talk to the other guy and he knows i love the other guy yet for some reason he is still crazy about me and wants me..i want to so badly be good, i just dont know how to continue from here..i know im in a tough situation.. —Anonymous, Israel
The Answer	Click here to listen to Rabbi Leff's answer.

Question No.	1926
Category	Marriage Law/Philosophy
Date Posted	24 Oct 2011
The Question	Dear Rabbi Leff; I am a 26 year old gay man, living in Manhattan, and I am engaged to marry a wonderful young woman in a short while. She does not know I am gay/bisexual. In fact, she has become much more religious to be with me - she wasn't shomer shabbat or kashrut until we fell in love. I lead a completely frum life from birth and coming out of the closet has never been an option for me. I try to do my best in my yiddishkeit but I have these urges. Ironically, my fiancee is now completely frum and really loves it, whereas before she didn't always fast Yom Kippur. Maybe I shouldn't have let it get this far, but now I am desperate. Hopefully this whole horrible thing is something I will grow out of or just be able to forget about after marriage. I know this isn't something for an internet shayla, but I am desperate. My question is this; do I have to tell her the truth? I don't think I can. Hal —Anonymous, NY
The Answer	Click here to listen to Rabbi Leff's answer.

Question No.	1918
Category	Marriage Law/Philosophy
Date Posted	25 Aug 2011
The Question	I have been informed that there is a prohibition against a male shaving his private areas. I am a male and my wife prefers if my private area is clean shaven. Is it permitted to do so, to satisfy my wife and not for any type of immoral behavior? —Anonymous, NYC
The Answer	Click here to listen to Rabbi Leff's answer.

Question No.	1887
Category	Marriage Law/Philosophy
Date Posted	13 Jul 2011
The Question	Hi Rabbi Leff. Before I got married, I only listened to Jewish music, as this is what I was taught in Bais Yaakov. My husband listens to secular music and at the beginning of our marriage it bothered me but now I have come to terms with it. I have become accustomed to listening to the non Jewish music and find myself even enjoying it at times. How much pressure should I put that it shouldn't be played in my presence. It is something that he enjoys and I do not forsee him stopping in the near future. How terrible is the isuur of listening to secular music? I will add that the music does not have inappropriate themes per say, just general secular topics. (sometimes is a woman singing). —Anonymous, New York
The Answer	Click here to listen to Rabbi Leff's answer.

Question No.	1879
Category	Marriage Law/Philosophy
Date Posted	27 Jun 2011
The Question	Is there any problem with someone's step-mother (biological mother was niftar and father re-married) walking down his kalah to the chupah? If so, what is the basis and source? —Yisrael Kaniel, Bet Shemesh, Israel
The Answer	Click here to listen to Rabbi Leff's answer.

Question No.	1877
Category	Marriage Law/Philosophy
Date Posted	27 Jun 2011
The Question	Is there a problem with a wife who is a Niddah sharing a bunkbed with her husband (in separate beds of course? —Anonymous, Brooklyn, NY
The Answer	Click here to listen to Rabbi Leff's answer.

Question No.	1843
Category	Marriage Law/Philosophy
Date Posted	29 Jan 2011
The Question	If a woman receives a Heter for birth control after having a boy and a girl, and during the period of the Heter is having regular relations (obviously when permitted), is occasional oral or other non-vaginal forms of sex considered levatala? —Anonymous, Israel
The Answer	Click here to listen to Rabbi Leff's answer.

Question No.	1825
Category	Marriage Law/Philosophy
Date Posted	23 Dec 2010
The Question	Dear Rav Leff, As a follow-up to my question # 1805 (about birth control), is it proper to try to persuade my wife (in a positive way)to stop using b.c.? Or should I accept her decision b'simcha as Hashem's will? Her decision to use b.c. is very difficult for me and I feel much less connected spiritually since as I had described, we are youthful, able, etc. and I feel the time window is closing. (A certain rav with a prominent name had told me that this decision has nothing to do with me, and is completely hers). In our 22 married years,we have always talked openly about this, and the rav we consulted always gave a lot of weight to each of our feelings regarding this issue. Is it more l'shem shomayim to continue discussing or leave it go? —Anonymous, Passaic, NJ
The Answer	Click here to listen to Rabbi Leff's answer.

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